Wednesday, June 19, 2013

the long road ahead

My On the close to finished, but do you think I can pick up the stitches for that blasted second sleeve?? I mean, seriously. I don't even have to sew up any seams - one sleeve, probably 1-2 night's work and this garment will be done. So why do I not have the motivation?

I've worked some on my couch granny blanket as distraction... see if that helps.

and I wound some skeins of MadTosh "Terrarium" for a pending project (not to be cast on before On the Beach is finished!) 

3 reasonably matched, one darker, one lighter....we'll deal with that later!
However, I think a lot of my absent knitting mojo can be tracked back to another recent event.

This weekend just gone heralded the end of a very poignant era in my life. As you all know, I busted up my knee a bit at the start of the year at roller derby training, and that injury started the process of final retirement from this sport that I love so much. 

That I found too late. 

That I found at *exactly* the right time. 

Did I mention this sport that I love

warpaint, one last time...
I've had my share of significant injuries through this sport, but with rehab and recovery getting harder every injury, on top of the advice from my surgeon that my knee was "not good" and long-term will require more surgery, I made the incredibly painful decision to retire. 

I had the surgery in March and at first, I bravely/ignorantly vowed I would play the two last games of this half of the season (May and June) and retire after that. Training and rehab setbacks quickly put an end to May, and nearly jeopardised June,and I'd be lying if I said my knee was fully recovered even now. 

farewell lap, with my daughter and two beautiful nieces

It was not the final game I had imagined (hoped?), but I was there with my beloved team and league, and got to skate at least some.  And we won, coming back from behind in the final 5 minutes of the game.

It was good to be able to leave as an active skater, not an injured one, definitely. I feel like I got to say goodbye to the sport properly, and on my terms, which I think will ease the transition some...but it was still bittersweet.

Three days in, and I miss the people already. Training nights are especially hard, because I know what they are all up to and I don't quite know what to do with that time? I miss the camaraderie. Even though I know those friendships are still there, it's not the same as the 3+-times-a-week contact I've had for 4 years. I find myself staring at my skates and gear with welling eyes, wondering what on earth to do with them (and me) now? 

There's so much more to express and process, so I apologise in advance if this blog goes a little off topic for a while.  I'll try and keep it contained.

Right now though, I feel lost. And part of me, Sadie, is gone. Although I know there is a lot more for me to do outside of derby; at this starting point of the exit, it feels like a long road ahead.


Leonie said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you've had to give up the Derby, you've had such wonderful fun with it. I can't wait to see what amazing adventure you come up with next. In the meantime, rest up, give that knee a chance to heal and check out all your options.

PS You know you can knit on Derby nights right?

Rose Red said...

I'm so sorry you had to retire from the sport you love, it sucks. I'm glad though you got to go out on your feet though.
I reckon maybe you need to start a new project to help fined that finishing mojo, heh!

DrK said...

as the sister of a derby girl, and watching her not deal very well with a recent injury, i know how hard this must be for you right now, especially the training nights. i know eventually something will fill its place, but i think you need to mourn it for a while yet. i agree with rosered though, new knitting projects are very healing. take care xx

2paw said...

I know how you feel about having to give up something you love because you aren't well. I still feel sad every first day of school each year. But well done on making a short but extremely successful comeback. You will find something to fill the gap, maybe just finish the sleeve of your knitting???